yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
