I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
