hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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