He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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