Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
