Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
