Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I enjoy the company of your penis
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
