I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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