tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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