i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
