Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
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My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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