if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
