he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
