so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
