The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
