so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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