I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
