office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
