I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he shaved USA in his pubs
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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