Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
