Girls should come with a carfax report
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When are your genitals available?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
