and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
