If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
