I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
