i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
