i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
