dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize