i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
