he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
foreskin is a definite game changer
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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