the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
