It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
