I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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