I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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