I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
