just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
