but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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