I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize