He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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