Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
