Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think your dad took our porno
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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