I think my vagina is haunted
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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