so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I fill condoms, not promises.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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