Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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