is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
