Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
