Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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