maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
