I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
