have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize