What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
