I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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