I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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