Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
