i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize