booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
