I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
