I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
