there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
