Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
