I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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