The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
