BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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