your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
