I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize