Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
