i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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