After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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