Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
