I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I currently don't understand fingers.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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