$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
