Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
