All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
