hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
